The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so much tequila, so little girl.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
