i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
