Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize