i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
