Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
