drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
