Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
