i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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