I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She needs sedatives and a leash
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
