I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
