I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
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every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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