I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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