After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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