R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
