so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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