we made out on top of his cat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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