apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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