my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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