I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
