I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
