Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
