I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
