hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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