I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
