I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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