I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I believe in your delicious
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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