I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
