dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Shame is for Republicans.
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