You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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