if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
