i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
