I just saw a hot homeless man
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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