God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Boobs are out for the taking
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
