Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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