a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
