i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
