All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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