Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
