Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
