i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
