You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
