A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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