I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
