she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
