i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
