theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
