East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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