If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
