kristin has been a bad kristin
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
