Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
