Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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