dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
