So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
