you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
