what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
