why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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