I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
