I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
