You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
