my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
