tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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