So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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