WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
