My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
