I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
