I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
