remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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