I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
