I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize