I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wear drunk well.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
