I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
