It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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