did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
