the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
